i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
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