I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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