I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
