Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Randomize
