seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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