please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
