only if we run a train.
done.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
