I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
