Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
