did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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