I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
