Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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