I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Randomize
