Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
