I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
If its not for food we ain't going out.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
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