she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
