He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Randomize
