so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
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