I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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