I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
