It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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