if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
