STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
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