Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
