I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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