Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
