and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Randomize
