I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
