I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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