what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
