I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I need to calm my uterus...
Randomize
