Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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