What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
