i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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