I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
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