My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Everyone says I win the strip club
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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