I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
