my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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