I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
