If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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