My room smells like vodka and shame
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
i think my cat just said my name.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
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