don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
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