I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
