This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
The Olympian is in my bed
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
