I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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