i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
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I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
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BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
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