So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
