I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
