How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
