Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Boobs are out for the taking
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
