Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
