I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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