Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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