Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
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