why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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