2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
