Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
