I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
