My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
