I just saw a hot homeless man
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
so let's talk penis.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
