I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
