I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
