He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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