Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
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