Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
