is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
