everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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