Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
