I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
This toilet bowl is my home.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
