I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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