Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
