There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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