yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
